It's like my dad always said, "Keep your friends moist and your enemies moister"

nothing i have ever done is Legal

Wiki-d'oh! Julian Assange guest stars on The Simpsons to dig up the dirt on Mr. Burns; Scheduled to be aired in 2014 #PainfulToReadSentences

No new tips tonight, but i have a Fantasy football update:

•Tony Romo active despite scalding eyes with refried beans

•Peyton Manning to play with Papa John on his shoulders

3 secret success for dancer:

•Dancing done with40% body, 40% brian, 40% strong ghost inside

•Don't API (not know what it stand for)

•Drance

Whenever you get pulled over and the cop knocks on your window, try to get him to go away by pretending to be asleep

New cereals:

•Honey Bunches of Water

•Apple Jeffs

•Regular Toast Crunch

•Frosted Maxi Wheats

•Crispix After Dark

•Freshly Bruffed Crunds

Dating tip:

Women love compliments, so tell her "Your face looks like a compliment"

How to lose 50 pounds in a matter of weeks. How to shed years from your life quickly and easily. How to leave behind everyone you love.

Survival tip:

If you put one of your socks into your other sock you now have a "double sock"