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CEASE AND DESIST DEMAND
Pursuant to Title 17 of the United States Code
June 9, 2011
Jeb_
Malmö, Sweden
Dear Mr. Jeb_:
This law firm represents Aperture Science. If you are represented by legal counsel, please direct this letter to your attorney immediately and have your attorney notify us of such representation.
We are writing to notify you that your unlawful copying of Aperture Science Infinitely Configurable Panels and Crushers infringes upon our client’s exclusive copyrights. Accordingly, you are hereby directed to
CEASE AND DESIST ALL COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT.
if u dont get the joke ur dumb
Aperture Science is the owner a copyright in various aspects of Aperture Science Infinitely Configurable Panels and Crushers. Under United States copyright law, Aperture Science’s copyrights have been in effect since the date that Aperture Science Infinitely Configurable Panels and Crushers were created, which is sometime in the 1990’s, although we aren’t sure because of traces amount of time travel being involved. All copyrightable aspects of Aperture Science Infinitely Configurable Panels and Crushers are copyrighted under United States copyright law, and the “Copyright and You” section of the Aperture Science Employee Handbook and Coaster.
It has come to our attention that you have been copying Aperture Science Infinitely Configurable Panels and Crushers with your work on Minecraft Pistons. We have copies of your unlawful copies to preserve as evidence of the copies. The copies are stored on a personality core who loves to keep things secret but usually accidentally tells secrets when you trick it with a clever question. We also have been tracking your whereabouts using the chip we implanted in your kidneys at your last rectal exam. Your actions constitute copyright infringement in violation of United States copyright laws and the “Copyright and You” section of the Aperture Science Employee Handbook and Coaster. Under 17 U.S.C. 504, the consequences of copyright infringement include statutory damages of over $9000 per work, at the discretion of Aperture Science founder and CEO Cave Johnson, and damages of up to $150,000,000,000,000 per work for willful infringement. If you continue to engage in copyright infringement after receiving this letter, your actions will be evidence of “willful infringement.”
We demand that you immediately (A) cease and desist your unlawful copying of Aperture Science Infinitely Configurable Panels and Crushers, (B) provide us with prompt written assurance within ten (10) minutes that you will cease and desist from further infringement of Aperture Science’s copyrighted works, and (C) finish work on Minecraft 1.7 so we can play with all the new stuff.
If you do not comply with this cease and desist demand within this time period, Aperture Science is entitled to use your failure to comply as evidence of “willful infringement” and seek equitable relief for your copyright infringement, including, but not limited to, installing science stuff in you. In the event you fail to meet this demand, please be advised that Aperture Science has asked us to communicate to you that it will contemplate pursuing all available legal and illegal remedies, including seeking injunctive relief, and an order that you publicly declare your allegiance to Aperture Science. Your liability and exposure under such legal action could be considerable.
Before taking these steps, however, my client wished to give you one opportunity to discontinue your illegal conduct by complying with this demand within ten (10) minutes. Accordingly, please sign and mail the attached Agreement within ten (10) minutes to
Aperture Science Laboratories
1 Cave Johnson Circle
Cleveland, OH 44114-3482
Fax: 216-555-4242
If you or your attorney have any questions, please Google them.
Sincerely,
Cave Johnson’s Personal Attorney and Hair Dresser
Pursuant to Title 17 of the United States Code
June 9, 2011
Jeb_
Malmö, Sweden
Dear Mr. Jeb_:
This law firm represents Aperture Science. If you are represented by legal counsel, please direct this letter to your attorney immediately and have your attorney notify us of such representation.
We are writing to notify you that your unlawful copying of Aperture Science Infinitely Configurable Panels and Crushers infringes upon our client’s exclusive copyrights. Accordingly, you are hereby directed to
CEASE AND DESIST ALL COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT.
if u dont get the joke ur dumb
Aperture Science is the owner a copyright in various aspects of Aperture Science Infinitely Configurable Panels and Crushers. Under United States copyright law, Aperture Science’s copyrights have been in effect since the date that Aperture Science Infinitely Configurable Panels and Crushers were created, which is sometime in the 1990’s, although we aren’t sure because of traces amount of time travel being involved. All copyrightable aspects of Aperture Science Infinitely Configurable Panels and Crushers are copyrighted under United States copyright law, and the “Copyright and You” section of the Aperture Science Employee Handbook and Coaster.
It has come to our attention that you have been copying Aperture Science Infinitely Configurable Panels and Crushers with your work on Minecraft Pistons. We have copies of your unlawful copies to preserve as evidence of the copies. The copies are stored on a personality core who loves to keep things secret but usually accidentally tells secrets when you trick it with a clever question. We also have been tracking your whereabouts using the chip we implanted in your kidneys at your last rectal exam. Your actions constitute copyright infringement in violation of United States copyright laws and the “Copyright and You” section of the Aperture Science Employee Handbook and Coaster. Under 17 U.S.C. 504, the consequences of copyright infringement include statutory damages of over $9000 per work, at the discretion of Aperture Science founder and CEO Cave Johnson, and damages of up to $150,000,000,000,000 per work for willful infringement. If you continue to engage in copyright infringement after receiving this letter, your actions will be evidence of “willful infringement.”
We demand that you immediately (A) cease and desist your unlawful copying of Aperture Science Infinitely Configurable Panels and Crushers, (B) provide us with prompt written assurance within ten (10) minutes that you will cease and desist from further infringement of Aperture Science’s copyrighted works, and (C) finish work on Minecraft 1.7 so we can play with all the new stuff.
If you do not comply with this cease and desist demand within this time period, Aperture Science is entitled to use your failure to comply as evidence of “willful infringement” and seek equitable relief for your copyright infringement, including, but not limited to, installing science stuff in you. In the event you fail to meet this demand, please be advised that Aperture Science has asked us to communicate to you that it will contemplate pursuing all available legal and illegal remedies, including seeking injunctive relief, and an order that you publicly declare your allegiance to Aperture Science. Your liability and exposure under such legal action could be considerable.
Before taking these steps, however, my client wished to give you one opportunity to discontinue your illegal conduct by complying with this demand within ten (10) minutes. Accordingly, please sign and mail the attached Agreement within ten (10) minutes to
Aperture Science Laboratories
1 Cave Johnson Circle
Cleveland, OH 44114-3482
Fax: 216-555-4242
If you or your attorney have any questions, please Google them.
Sincerely,
Cave Johnson’s Personal Attorney and Hair Dresser