Hey guys! I'm writing a book! It's called Apocalyptus. Basically, it's about a zombie apocalypse. Post any edits that you would make, they are all appreciated! Here it is: http://pastebin.com/MBT57jsK

~Lucas

Sounds awesome! I'm not much of a zombie person, but i would definitely read this! <object class="emojione" data="https://resources.enjin.com/1489581540/themes/core/images/emojione/svg/1f44d.svg?0" type="image/svg+xml" standby=":thumb:">:thumb:</object>

Sentences are extremely choppy and short. Use something called punctuation to fix this.

The sentences are meant to be choppy and short, as if someone is retelling the story from memory. It is set in past-tense, and the main character is recording himself telling his story of the apocalypse to send out to survivors. The short sentences are supposed to add the effect of him pausing, and thinking.

Awesome! You should write it for NaNoWriMo! As said, the sentences are pretty choppy, punctuation wise. You need to make it flow. One other suggestion; it sounds more like a recount than a proper story. Maybe add some more description, adjective that story up! <object class="emojione" data="https://resources.enjin.com/1489581540/themes/core/images/emojione/svg/1f600.svg?0" type="image/svg+xml" standby=":d">:d</object>

This is Nearly like the book World War Z (one of my favorites)

It was actually quite interesting!

Keep up the good work <object class="emojione" data="https://resources.enjin.com/1489581540/themes/core/images/emojione/svg/1f642.svg?0" type="image/svg+xml" standby=":)">:)</object>

I think he means that the sentences sometimes don't sound right, and don't follow up to the next one correctly.

And even if it is meant to be a narrative, it should still be easy to read.

It looks pretty promising though apart from those minor details, keep it up <object class="emojione" data="https://resources.enjin.com/1489581540/themes/core/images/emojione/svg/1f609.svg?0" type="image/svg+xml" standby=";)">;)</object>

Not bad <object class="emojione" data="https://resources.enjin.com/1489581540/themes/core/images/emojione/svg/1f642.svg?0" type="image/svg+xml" standby=":)">:)</object>

Once started writing a book called 'Aura'...don't have the drive to finish stuff off ^_-

I'd also advise perhaps googling 'creative writing tips', for some basic tips.

Thanks for all the feedback guys, it really helps <object class="emojione" data="https://resources.enjin.com/1489581540/themes/core/images/emojione/svg/1f600.svg?0" type="image/svg+xml" standby=":d">:d</object>

I really like the setting and the storyline so far. I have a huge obsession about zombie related stories and shows :3

Constructive critisism. Use numbered words rather than the numbers and I feel there is too many commas in each sentance. You should only have one comma and no need for one if you use 'and'.

E.g:

"1 year ago, I never would have believed that some sort of disease would wipe out everyone, and leave only a few survivors."

Should be more like:

"One year ago, I never would have believed that some sort of disease would wipe out everyone and leave only a few survivors."

I hope this helps x